Take my life and wash my fears away...

I've been reading this devotion on a semi-regular basis that comes with my Bible app on my phone (yay technology...), and the devotion I read today talked about mercy.  The reason I post this here is I'm not sure I entirely agree with the point the devotion made.  The devotion started out with a long story of this guy who was a runaway slave who shared a cave with a lion.  He helped out a lion, then was captured and forced to fight in the coliseum (custom of the day for recaptured slaves), and then the lion that came out to fight him was this same one...so instead of death, the slave was spared because the lion recognized him as the guy who had helped him out.  Heartwarming story, right?  The devotion went on to say that "the person who shows mercy often receives mercy back, while the person who refuses mercy to others is cheated out of many good things."  That's a great thought and all, but to me, this seems completely contradictory of the Gospel!  The Gospel says that while we were all still sinners, Christ died for us, paying the punishment for our sins.  Christ didn't decide that Bob and Joe and Nate had showed mercy so he died for them...he died for ALL of us, undeserving sinners that we are.  He also didn't consider the reward He would receive Himself if He gave Himself up for us (geesh, that was a lot of prepositions...)

I went to Lifelight music festival over Labor Day weekend and had the opportunity to hear Francis Chan speak.  He reminded us of a great point-so often in churches we might discuss the Good News and how great the cross was (and it was and IS, don't get me wrong)-but we miss reminding ourselves that we NEED good news.  We are all sinners.  We are all damned.  Bleak, you say?  But that's the point.  This is why we need Good News.  We are sinners.  But Christ took these sins from us.  This is the definition of mercy-that God does not give us the fate we deserve.  Christ payed the penalty for ALL of our sins, showing us the true portrait of mercy:  He granted us freedom when we deserve death.

So this is why this devotion didn't sit very well with me.  We didn't do anything to deserve God's mercy, we just receive it and are therefore called to live as a reflection of that mercy.  We have been spared death!  What more fantastic of a gift could we receive?  This devotion, to me, showed a portrait of karma (you know, what goes around comes around?) more than of Christ's mercy.  We aren't called to do good to others so they will do good to us.  I mean, that's naturally (hopefully) going to happen.  But our true calling is to do good to others so that they will see in us a reflection of Him-a reflection of the perfect gift of mercy we are shown every single day as our sins are wiped clean.  His mercy is new every morning!  We aren't called to do good to others because of what we hope will happen to us in return.  I doubt Jesus considered what good would come to himself as he hung from the cross...

The reason I even hesitate to post this is because this devotion justified it's message with this verse from the Beatitudes:  "Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy." (Matt 5:7)  So anyone reading this, help me out!  What are you thoughts?  This verse does seem to justify this devotion, but this devotion doesn't seem to me to be the Gospel message as I have come to understand it.  How do these things fit together?  I definitely am not sure.

We have to be so careful when discussing topics like mercy.  It's so easy for us to turn mercy into karma...but they are not the same thing.  Karma says that we get what we deserve, while mercy says that we don't get what we deserve.  We do not have to earn our salvation, it's been given to us freely.  Thank God for that!  I don't know about you, but I don't feel like I could ever do enough to repay Jesus' sacrifice or earn the perfect love of my amazing God.  And that, my friends, is the Good News-we don't earn our salvation, we don't earn God's love, we don't earn the blessings that are so freely poured out on us each and every day.  We don't deserve any of that!  And that is the definition of mercy.  

Side note:  The title of this blog comes from the Casting Crowns song, "Mercy."  Funnily enough, it's been the song running through my head pretty much constantly for the past day or two.  Check it out here.

What It Means to Be Loved

This kind of goes along with my post from last week, but if you haven't heard the song "What It Means to Be Loved" you HAVE to check it out.  Right now.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lrXmHaBP-A4. And then read this article written by Mark Schultz about the story behind the song.  If you can read it with a dry eye, well, I'm jealous of your abilities to stay composed:

“What It Means To Be Loved” is a song that basically wrote itself. I just happened to be in the room when God dropped it in my lap. Its genesis was actually from a story that my wife told me about a family that she’d worked with at the hospital.

The mother was expecting a child and was told that tests revealed health issues that meant the baby probably wouldn’t live long after birth.  Although the doctors suggested terminating the pregnancy, the mother decided she would love the child as long as she could.  I took those emotions and that unselfish commitment and poured them into the “What It Means To Be Loved” lyrics.   The song starts out:

For five months eight days
My wife and I had waited
Getting ready for our baby girl
But when he called the doctor said, “I need to see you”
And “Could you come in soon”
Something died inside of me to sit with him and hear
A test had said our baby may not live to be a year
And turning to my wife he said
What do you wanna do
She said…

It was at this point of the song when I was writing it that these words just came spilling out:

I wanna give her the world
I wanna hold her hand
I wanna be her mom for as long as I can
I wanna live every moment, until that day comes
I wanna show her what it means to be loved…

And I knew as soon as I hit this chorus and tears were running down my face that this is one I’m going to be playing for a long time.  It’s the only song that I’ve ever played in concert where it got a standing ovation before the end of the first chorus was over. 

To me, what the song says is that we as Christians are called to love.  If that means loving a baby that’s going to be here for 7 minutes or 70 years, it doesn’t make any difference, you just wrap your arms around them and pour yourself into them.  I love the last bridge going to this:

Well ever since the day
We got to bring her home
She’s been out to prove the doctors wrong
You should see her now
She’s as pretty as her mom
And there’s a boy at the front door waiting just to take her to her high school prom

And he wants to give her the world
Wants to hold her hand

Inspired by this family’s story, my wife continued to look at the implications for our own family.  She said, “Since you’re adopted I think we should adopt kids too.” I said, “Ok that’s fine.”  She said, “I think we should adopt kids maybe with special needs.” And I said, “Ok, that seems like a tall order.” She continued, “Maybe someday we adopt kids with special needs that the doctor only knows they’re going to live for a year or two.”  I responded, “Honey, why would we do that?” And my wife said, “Because before they go to heaven, I want them to know what a great Christmas is like and I want them to know what a great birthday is like and let them know that they were loved well before they get to heaven and realize that love.  I want them to know that they were loved here on earth and celebrate them here.” 

That’s the kind of wife I’m married to.  These are the kinds of songs that come out of those stories.  It’s a special song and I’m grateful for all the people who’ve walked through loving unconditionally.  I hope the song means as much to folks as it does to me.

If this isn't what life is about, then gosh...I really just don't know what it is about.  I'm not saying I'm perfect or even good at this, for that matter, because I fail at this type of perfect love every single day.  I put my own priorities and my own emotional state above how I can serve others.  I put my own to do list over listening to or spending time with other people.  But when it comes to the end of the day, what am I thankful for?  Accomplishing all of my homework thoroughly or being there for a friend who is really hurting?  Five years from now, what will I remember of college?  Looking back at high school, I remember some of the busy-ness and activities, but I remember more the relationships, my closest friends, the people that supported me.  I have some family members (and people I consider family, almost) going through some really tough stuff right now.  Just found out about more of it today.  Some incredibly serious health issues.  Deaths in the family.  Etc.  Friends, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but our time here on this earth is SO short, and could end at any minute.  I HATE thinking about that...but I feel like this is something that's becoming incredibly real to me in light of recent events in my life and the lives of those around me.  Even though that's becoming real to me, I still don't feel like I'm living my life as if that's the truth.  Are you?  If your life ended tomorrow, would you look back and be satisfied with the things you spent your time doing?  I know I wouldn't and that frustrates me so much!  Some things that our society deems as 'necessary' seem incredibly unnecessary.  But how do we adjust our lives to live in a way that is a reflection of the love of our wonderful Creator instead of the things we are doing now-"have" to do according to society?  I sure don't have answers, but it's definitely something to think about and pray about.  This song, "What It Means to Be Loved"...there's nothing more beautiful in life to me than stories like this.  Stories where people chose love even when it was the hardest choice.  Love isn't easy, because when we choose love, we open ourselves up, become vulnerable-and when something happens to someone we love it hurts the very core of our being.  They are wounds I believe we never fully heal from.  But when we hurt that deeply for someone else, we know that then we have truly loved them.  That feeling of love is 100% worth the feelings of hurt we can experience as a result of it.  God loves us perfectly, without flaws.  He wants to "give us the world, wants to show us what it means to be loved."  As a result, we should live as a reflection of His perfect love.  How am I doing that/not doing that in my life?  How about you?

Lay Down My Life

It's late and I should be sleeping...but it's been awhile since I've blogged on here and I feel like God's placing some things on my heart tonight for me to think about, and for some reason I am feeling like I should be sharing this here...so here we go.  I've said this before, and I'll say it again, but I feel kind of out of place in this world sometimes.  I mean, God calls us to live in this world but apart from it...not aloof, but apart...but I just have a hard time living in it sometimes.  I feel like I've been living more aloofly lately.  I don't feel like I fit in well with those around me, and as I'm sitting here thinking about it, I feel pretty alone in life much of my day.  I mean, I can count on one hand the number of relationships in my life that I feel I am getting as much from as I am putting into them.  But the second while I was praying tonight, whining about that, God keeps putting these lyrics in my head:


And I lay down my life for you
this is the moment when all will be made new


As I think about what God is trying to get through my "thick skin" tonight with that thought, I just keep realizing how amazing it is that Jesus would lay down His life for me.  But He did!  And then I keep thinking how many people would I do that in my life for?  As I said...I can count them on one hand.  Wait up, hold on a minute-what standard am I using to judge whether I would lay down my life for a person?  I can name a whole list, but it comes down to love and how I feel their feelings are towards me.  But wait-God didn't sit down and say Jesus would only die for X, Y, and Z because they loved Him "enough" and showed Him their love "enough"...nope, He died for all of us.  It wasn't easy-"Father, if it is possible, take this cup from me" but yet this same man, dying on the cross says "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." I can't help but think that Jesus had to be absolutely terrified knowing He was going to lay down His life for us...but at the same time, He died willingly for me.  Not because I was special, not because I loved Him enough-because He loved ME that much, before I was even born.  So what am I doing wrong in my life?  Now, I'm not saying I should go jump in front of a bus for every single person I ever see in life, but it's become pretty obvious to me today (yesterday, at this point...) that apparently I'm not doing something right in life right now.  Going back to what I already said, "I can count on one hand the number of relationships in my life that I feel I am getting as much from as I am putting into them."  Are those the only relationships that matter in life?  The ones that I feel I am getting something from?  I could go into a whole sociologist's perspective on this, but I'll refrain.  Apparently I feel like I'm not getting much out of the people around me these days, but at the same time, what am I doing wrong here?  If I've stopped putting anything in, well, it's sure hard for me to expect that they will love me and treat me the way I want to be treated.  Golden rule, and all...but also, when we look at our example of perfect love...He was willing to die for us merely because we would exist.  God made us in His image...and Jesus died for us.  God, forgive me, for I know not what I have done.  Show me how to love as you do, because I am falling way short with this right now.  It's so tough to look around and see the same old struggles and pain and still dive in and try and love everyone where they are while I deal with my own struggles in life right now.  But isn't a life lived with love a more worthwhile life to be living?

I confess that I've been blind, 
open up this heart of mine, 
show me how to love
farther than this world I know
take me where You want me to go
show me how to love 


This is my prayer tonight.