"The lamp unto my feet only moves when I take a step"

It has been forever since I have blogged on this blog.  I was kind of upset at myself when I saw my last post was from early October.  I write more often than this, I just usually don't share it on here.  So a couple of thoughts for tonight:

1)  One of the main reasons I haven't blogged on here very often is that this blog's original purpose was to share bits of God's wisdom that I feel like He has passed on to me.  This summer, I couldn't keep up with all the things I was feeling Him show me.  This fall, well, this fall I've been too busy to listen to Him as well.  I'm realizing tonight how many things have become idols, of sorts, for me this semester, and how this priority needs fixed before spring semester starts.  I'm making it a public goal, right here, right now-I know without God's help there is no way I can reshift my life priorities to the things that really matter.

2)  I'm weary.  It's been a rough semester.  I hope that I will make some time after I get through one last religion essay before freedom to sift through what this semester has been for me, and I hope that I share some of it here with you (whoever exactly you are).  I am realizing how much I feel connected with someone when they are transparent with me and show me the things they are going through, but I struggle to be transparent with others.

3)  I was talking with a friend of mine a few minutes ago over texting (terrible way to communicate, I'm aware...but sometimes it's what we have) and we were discussing the brokenness we are currently feeling.  I wrote to her something along the lines of "I'm struggling with the realization that the areas of my life that have always been 'perfect' aren't anymore.  The things that I always felt assuredly would be fine-they no longer are.  I feel like God has a lesson in this for me."  The verse that's now popping into my mind is 1 Corinthians 10:12 "So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall!"  Apparently I've been standing a little too firm in these areas of my life.  God's knocking me off my feet a little bit-and His discipline is well placed.  It's a hard thing to realize that there are no assurances in this life except for God.  Everything else changes; the things that were always constants in our life can get swept away in a moment.  Regardless of what happens here, His love is always greater.  He has a greater purpose.  I just "wish I could see just three steps in front of me, but the lamp unto my feet only moves when I take a step," as my favorite song says.  I just hope that I listen to His guidance and keep stepping in the direction He has laid out for me.

4)  I've been struggling with finding true, fulfilling relationships in my life.  Relationships=friendships.  I'm really struggling to find who the true friends are in my life.  It's been a tough realization.  I think God is showing me that I need to be dependent on Him first and people second, but it's sure not easy to try to focus on putting Him first when I'm hurting.  I've been pretty upset by the lack of true friendships that I feel that I have in this world.  This week, I have realized how much I dislike Facebook.  I've been completely addicted for almost 7 years now.  Ridiculous, when I look at that.  I shut down my account this week for finals-and no one noticed.  After I brushed myself off from that little blow, I realized that the only people I use it to communicate with are people I talk to otherwise anyway.  So why do I have it?  I might be taking a little longer sabbatical than I was originally planning, because honestly, I have so many better things I could be doing with my time than Facebook.

4)  I hope that your semesters have gone much better than mine!  I know that at the end of the day, my grades, my friendships or lack their of, the sins I have committed-all of that just doesn't matter.  God loves me  even if I fail Theory.  God loves me even when I do some really stupid stuff.  God still loves me even if it sure seems like the people around me don't.  And God still loves me when I work so hard to win approval in this world that I don't put nearly as much time into seeking Him as I should be.

 "And I pray that we, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that we may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." Eph 3 17b-19